Monday, 28 September 2015

Healing Through Nature | Visiting Lytham St Annes

In the lead up to 'the big move' a lot of things went wrong. I found I was stuck without my husband for an undetermined amount of time and it had already been seven weeks. I was incredibly fustrated and lost. It is times like this that I know I need to have more faith and trust in the Lord. I knew that we would be reunited and find somewhere else to live (our flat had fallen through) and hopefully that place would be better and the timing of it all would allow bigger and better things to fall into our lives through out handwork and dedication and through the Lord's timing.

But I felt very alone stuck in our room above the pub. Trapped by it's four walls, not even having my own personal cooking space (yay for shared accommodation) and less shifts at work as I was expected to have left already. As I searched for peace and release I remembered a scripture that I had read in the Young Womens leadership manual, Proverbs 29:18. One that I had never even heard of before but really struck me. 

"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that kept the law, happy is he." I have always been taught to have an eternal perspective. Taught that through God and his restored gospel, families can be together for eternity not death do us part. That there is so much more to our, my existence. Things that are so beautiful and sacred. But I never thought about having a perspective or vision of immediate and general life goals as being as equally important. Without having heartfelt goals we perish. It really affects our mental and emotional wellbeing if we are not feeling fulfilled, working or using our minds and talents. 

It can be so easy to feel trapped and isolated, especially when working unsociable times, living alone and having to sort out almost all your earthly belongings, and your partners' who owns things you have never even seen before, never mind that you've been together for over two years and you're married.. Which as you can imagine takes a long time to sort, box, donate, bin and generally question why we even own such random stuff. 

Having such a large set back in our move after being apart for so long already really made me angry and question what I could do to help myself. How could I feel better? Uplifted? Supported? Trust in God? And ultimately have my happiness back that seems to be disappearing more and more lately? 

I got in touch with a close friend, found out she wasn't working and asked her to take me somewhere nature-y and free. She drove me to Lytham St Annes (thank goodness for cars and good friends!), somewhere I had only been one or twice, usually late at night for fireworks or random attempted beach days even though there are a lot of sand dunes/plants everywhere. It. Was. Beautiful. I sat on that pier and tried to exhale all of the rubbish and stress that I had been dealing with. Every day being apart from my husband hurt. Physical pain. It was ridiculous. The whole situation was ridiculous and the estate agents were horrendous. I just wanted everything to be ok again. More than ok. Happy. And while visiting the beach that day and going for a carvery didn't fix anything it certainly made me feel better. Being in nature and in awe at God and his creations just has a way of doing that for me. 

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